I didn't have time, especially during the holidays
I’d waited three weeks to get the final edition of my six-book series. At the beginning of winter break, it finally arrived on my doorstep in a dreary, battered gray shipping bag. But inside, oh, inside that package awaited the final battle that would draw all the characters I loved into the apocalypse.
However, I had planned too much prepping and cooking for the next several days. Turkey brining, Grandma’s sausage stuffing, three side dishes, two desserts, and 60 sugar cookies required my immediate attention.
My days comprised long hours in the kitchen, family playtime, and my husband and I cuddling our little ones as they drifted off to sleep. Our nights involved watching Christmas movies while we wrapped presents and tucked boxes of excitement under the tree and under blankets in the next room—one of the benefits of having oblivious young children.
I told myself I’d find time for myself post-Christmas.
Learning my own lessons, the hard way
During the following weeks, however, our kids continued to struggle with overstimulation, schedule changes, separation from friends, unexpected snow days, and mom and dad not wanting to play with them 24/7 even though we were on vacation too.
My husband and I had to be ready at any moment to coach the kids on how to feel those big feelings safely and find win-win solutions. Sometimes we succeeded. Sometimes we didn’t.
Time isn’t something I can find by rummaging around in my miscellaneous drawer, or the bottom of my purse, or underneath my car seat.
In short, I could barely find time to disappear within my long-awaited book—let alone dive into my creative writing. More than a week later, I remembered a wallop of truth that so many of us know yet tend to walk past in a hurry:
Time isn’t something I can find by rummaging around in my miscellaneous drawer, or the bottom of my purse, or underneath my car seat. If I truly consider something important, then I need to make time. Because even though the circumstances may change, the chaos is relatively the same year in and year out.
Let's be honest
Trust me, I know we always have a full plate. But let’s be honest here: If you really want dessert, you’ll find a way to make room, right?
You can do the same with writing. You can make room to journal, to experiment with creative writing, to capture the essence of your day, to stockpile your gratitude, to breathe life into a few lines of poetry, or simply to give yourself a moment when you can be yourself again.
Here are five ways you can make time to write, even for busy parents:
1. Schedule it
Sometimes the most obvious, simple actions are the ones we tend to overlook. So, challenge yourself and reconsider your schedule, hour by hour, and identify any gap you can designate for writing, preferably at the same time every day to solidify this habit. Those gaps can be as small as 5 minutes.
To help you do this, I created a sample schedule and provided an example of what this can look like in my free guide, “5 Steps to Help You Start Writing Today.”
Please, don’t overlook this simple step. Designating 5–20 minutes of writing every day can have an accumulating, positive impact. Expressive writing can improve your immune system, increase happiness, decrease depression, help you process trauma, increase your work performance, and more, according to Adam Green in “The Power of the Pen: How to Boost Happiness, Health, and Productivity.”
When I my kiddos were ages 3 and 5, I aimed for early morning, about 30 minutes before my kids came looking for me. Now that I have one in preschool and one in elementary school, I designate their after-school screen time as my writing time. Dinner still gets done. So do the dishes and making lunches, etcetera. But I also have the added bonus of having done something for myself first.
2. Have a backup plan, or two
Otherwise, losing my writing time can leave me feeling frustrated, furious, and even resentful, and I don’t want to add those feelings to an already difficult situation.
Parenting requires that we remain flexible. Despite our best efforts to create schedules and routines, life still likes to surprise us and knock us off our feet. You might oversleep, someone could wake up feeling sick, snow might cancel school, the kids could start fighting—you name it. So, apply that flexibility to your writing plan.
After you’ve scheduled your primary writing time, identify two more potential times. Having backups enables me to handle emergency situations with a calm mind because I know I’ll have another chance to regain my “me time.” Otherwise, losing my writing time can leave me feeling frustrated, furious, and even resentful, and I don’t want to add those feelings to an already difficult situation.
Caution: Be mindful of how you view those backup time slots. If you keep saying, “Oh, I’ll just do it later,” then you’ll transform your backup plan into a procrastination tactic. Instead of staying flexible, you’ll reinforce the idea that your writing isn’t actually a priority. Instead, remember that those extra time slots are for emergencies only. And dirty dishes don’t count as an emergency.
If I can’t write in the morning, then my next opportunity is during my kids TV time. That’s right: Their time to relax and zone out is also my time to relax and focus. And if that doesn’t happen, I swear to myself that I’ll write for just 10 minutes after they’ve fallen asleep. After all, we can do almost anything for only 10 minutes.
3. Reorder your priorities
Instead of thinking “I can’t write until I do the dishes,” tell yourself “I can’t do the dishes until I sit down and write for 5 minutes.”
In order to make time for your writing, you need to elevate it on your priority list. We’re always going to have to tackle dishes, start another load of laundry, plan the next grocery run, make the kids lunches, update the family calendar, etcetera. The to-do list is never ending.
And unfortunately, much of society tells us that we shouldn’t reward ourselves with a break until we’ve finished all our work. But that’s simply not true, especially when we’re adults and the work never ends. In fact, constantly focusing on the next to-do brings us closer to reaching burn out.
Instead, view your writing as one of your major priorities for the day, because it gives you a chance to discard the gunk clogging your mind, reset your mood, and recharge you. Think about it this way: Do you want to use your phone in low-power mode all day, or do you set it down so it can fully recharge?
Likewise, give yourself the same curtesy, and change the way you treat yourself. Instead of thinking “I can’t write until I do the dishes,” tell yourself “I can’t do the dishes until I sit down and write for 5 minutes.” Let that idea sink in. Then ask yourself what can become possible for you, your family, and your dreams if you allow yourself that time.
4. Take advantage of unexpected free moments
Gaps open up in our schedule at unexpected times: sitting in the school pickup line, standing in line at Target, waiting in the parking lot for grocery pickup, or hiding in the bathroom (we’ve all done it). Thus, be ready for these gaps. Keep multiple writing tools easily accessible, and store your current works in progress on the cloud so you can access them anywhere, anytime.
For example, if an idea takes root during a gap in my schedule, I spew my ideas as quickly and as messily as possible on a notepad, in my journal, in my phone’s note app, via a voice memo—whatever I have on hand.
Then, during my primary writing time, I transfer that messy first draft to a Google Doc, which allows me to access that project on my laptop where I can organize my thoughts and clean up my writing. I keep my draft on the cloud until I’ve finished it, so whenever I’m in the midst of another scheduling gap, I can open that doc on my phone and capture another idea or two.
Again, it’s all about flexibility.
5. Advocate for yourself
Yeah, that’s right. If you have the itch to express yourself creatively, an itch you just can’t ignore anymore, then speak up and advocate for that urge. Start with yourself. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself, “I am making writing a priority. I give myself permission to experiment and have fun and just be me for a few moments a day.”
Next, tell your family what time you’ve designated for writing, journaling, quiet self-reflection time (whatever you want to call it). If you have an active household, then explain to your partner and kids that you need a few moments alone to clear your head. You can say something as simple as, “Hey guys, I’m going to step away for a little bit to clear my mind. After I’m done, we’ll do [insert family activity].”
Just like writing, this self-advocacy part takes practice, so don’t fret if your family doesn’t listen the first 30 times.
For your little ones, you can also set a timer. When (not if) they seek you out for a non-emergency, gently but firmly tell them, “I definitely want to hear what you have to say, but the timer hasn’t gone off yet, and my brain is still tired. As soon as the timer beeps, I’ll come find you. I can’t wait to hear your story and snuggle with you some more. I’ll be out soon.”
Just like writing, this self-advocacy part takes practice, so don’t fret if your family doesn’t listen the first 30 times. As you make this a habit, you’ll build healthy boundaries and model how your kids can take care of their needs too when they’re parents one day.
Do I practice what I preach?
Yes, absolutely! As consistently as possible when raising small kiddos.
The self-advocacy part took about a month or two for my then 3-year-old to adjust to momma’s writing time. Every time he tried to interrupt me, I acknowledged him, gave him a big hug, and then patiently reminded him what I shared above. And he got better at playing by himself and using his own imagination.
Both of my kids are used to my writing time now, and my eldest has started asking me about my projects. He even asked me to help him write his own first story, and now we’re working on the second book.
I first wrote this article a year ago. Over the last year, I’ve learned that making time to write not only helped me but also helps my whole family, because a happier parent leads to a happier family.
Want more support?
If you want help getting back into writing, prioritizing your creativity, embracing your identity as a writer, then schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me. I’ll help you identify your writing goals, which resources or methods can help you get there, and if my 12-week writing program is the right next step for you.
