Note: This post is the result of day 2 of my 30-day journaling challenge, which I’m hosting via my private Facebook group, Creative Writing for Parents.
I find myself resenting the fact that it’s easier to identify the challenges in my life, the areas I’m trying to improve, the bouts of loneliness, and my shortcomings.
I read today’s journaling prompt—describe what's going well in my life—about 5 minutes after I opened my eyes this morning. I put down my phone and went back to sleep.
I thought about this prompt all afternoon, but still I didn’t sit down to write. I kept focusing on my latest article, which I’m so enthusiastic about that it kept me up until one in the morning last night.
I went to Target and Kohl’s, hoping to snag some last-minute St. Patrick’s Day decor (no luck). But the change of scenery provided sufficient distraction.
After school pick up, the kids and I went outside with the bubble guns the Easter Bunny gifted them last year. And as I watched them scream and jump and try desperately to snatch the bubbles rushing upward into the sky, I chatted with my neighbors and began planning an early summer block party.
Now that I’ve cleaned the kitchen, my husband is making dinner, and the kids are watching Odd Squad, I have run out of distractions and excuses. Thus, I find myself resenting the fact that it’s easier to identify the challenges in my life, the areas I’m trying to improve, the bouts of loneliness, and my shortcomings.
Because our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative stuff as a means to protect us, switching gears requires effort and intention. The thought of having to exert effort in yet another area of my life didn’t delight me today.
And yet I also know from experience that the best things in life usually require a lot of effort, like building a family, career, and the life we want. As such, here I go… (Let’s see if it’s worth it.)
What’s going well in my life right now? Um…
Hm…
Okay, I’ll start small.
MYSELF: I love my long curly hair. When I avoided salons during the pandemic, I decided to grow out my mermaid hair, and I truly love how long it’s gotten. I haven’t had my hair past my shoulder blades since I was in seventh grade. (I almost said I need a trim! But no, I’m focusing on what’s going well. So I’m setting aside the split ends for now.)
SPOUSE: My husband is still my best friend, and we’re able to discuss our fears, challenges, stressors, and needs openly and help each other problem-solve solutions. We also have a plan in place to go see Dr. Strange, just the two of us—a much needed date night!
PURPOSE: I’m elated that I’ve found a way to merge my passion for writing with my efforts to explore and recover from the identity loss I experience after becoming a parent. The more I write, the more I see my skills improving. And when I look back at articles I wrote 20 years ago, I can clearly see how much my ability to articulate my feelings and experiences has improved. I’ve also hosted my own writing workshop several times now, and watching my students’ faces beam with enthusiasm and inspiration has truly been one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time.
KIDS: I am learning to recognize that my son’s challenging moments are about him and not me, to not take his actions personally, and to know when it’s best for me to step back and give him space rather than charge the bull. My preschooler is also doing better at playing by himself and playing nicely with his big brother.
FRIENDS: I’m taking action to plan get-togethers with people who refill my emotional cup, including friends I haven’t seen much of during the last two years.
MINDSET: I’m getting better at recognizing where I’m stuck, feeling the big feelings, and setting up solutions to help me move forward.
Whew! That’s all I can manage for now. Truth be told, for each area listed above, my initial thoughts revolved around everything I still needed to fix, improve, or do better. Steering away from that type of thinking required concentration and intention.
Part of me resents the fact that I had to constantly redirect my thoughts (which in and of itself is another negative thought), but when I look back at the list above and the absence of faults, I feel rather satisfied, grateful, and even a bit proud. My heart feels lighter. My shoulders have relaxed, and the knot in my stomach loosened up.
I’m now excited for the rest of this night. And to celebrate this small yet meaningful victory, I’ll start by giving my kids and husband great big hugs.
Featured photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
